The Spherical Chicken

Giant Crystals!

Sat, 11 Nov 2006 04:54:09 GMT

I was about to do a search for "giant crystal cave" when I noticed the things that popped up in my auto-complete box:

giant monster
giant rabbit
giant rabbit movie
giant robo
giant scorpion
giant space creature
giant spider

It reads like a Who's Who of Godzilla villains.

Anyway, this is why I was looking for giant crystal caves. Old news, to be sure, but very cool stuff. I can see Superman chilling out in a place like that.

I love spam

Sat, 16 Sep 2006 06:03:36 GMT

Spam used to annoy me, but no more. The increasing effectiveness of spam filters and the increasing desperation of spammers to circumvent these filters has conspired to take away from spam all its pretense and offending content and leave it with nothing but delightful nonsense. Gmail routes all the junk mail I get into its rightful place, and whenever I inspect my spam folder to see if any message has been wrongfully blacklisted, I find that every message there has earned its branding. I also find that the messages are hilarious. Here are some examples from just this past week. The titles here are the subject lines of the e-mails, and the authors are the monikers of the spammers.

caricature commando, by Pen Wong

He had seen death face to face, and in all its ugliness.
It does not do to tire him, he saidto Julien, who realised that this was the nephew.
I shall make my wishesknown in a fortnights time.
I shall come out to speak to you; perhaps I may beable to let you into the garden.
The gunsmith, at his request, loaded the pistols.
This young man has everything, said the olderofficers who were inclined to banter, except youth.
The letter whichshe had been ordered to write by her confessor of the moment, and hadwritten to M.
I wasan utter fool at Strasbourg, my thoughts never went beyond my coatcollar.
A subtlety blended with profound insincerity wasportrayed on his features. Read the letter which I have received in reply to a requestfor information. And Madame Michelet found it so easy to make her way in to me? My hatred for my father would be a proof .
He thanked heaven for not having let him wound her mortally.
His thoughts did not linger to consider this argument.
Actually he was encamped amid his presentwealth rather than dominated by it.
Never will I read a line from you about theman.
On the other hand, I see in him the mostungenerous maxims . Now I amcertainly twenty degrees below the level of death .
Almost every morning, she saw the abbe Pirard come to the Hotel.
Fouque arrived; the simple, honest fellow was shattered by grief. He found himselfstanding a few yards behind Madame de Renals bench. This man was as menial and submissive as possible. I give youmy word of honour that I will never consent to a marriage with thatman.
I may sit down in an armchair, and the armchair grip me by thearms, I shall have vanished. SCHILLERJulien remained motionless, seeing nothing. Never have the provinces, whencontrasted with Paris, received a nobler homage.
This Julien is a strange creature, his action is inexplicable,thought M. The thought of such a thing is unendurable. Everythingseemed to him sad and comfortless; he felt his heart freeze in hisbosom.
Boniface de La Mole seemed to her reincarnatein him, but in a more heroic mould.
But is that due toignorance of the actual state of society?
A few moments later, he fell into a deep slumber. I wasan utter fool at Strasbourg, my thoughts never went beyond my coatcollar.
Such an equipage is no longer in keeping, the stern abbe told him,with a cantankerous air.
Through his agency might not Julien have penetrated to some extentinto her fathers intentions?

warily, by Billy Krouse

The flour camein fifty-pound tins and would keep for years.
Having read your Contemplative Essays and being greatlyimpressed by them, Mr.
Just think if Johnnyspapa never came home from sea!
They didnt belong out there in the open sea, with no land in thebackground.
Hory being too humiliated to reply, I picked up a magazine and startedturning the pages idly. Ichummed; then I lowered the bait to the fishs nose and lay face downward,watching. I shook hands with thedistinguished gentlemen gathered by the ladder and climbed into my boat.
Presently Poaza baited histrolling hook with a red mullet and dropped it over the portside.
At the word coffee his brain becameblocked. I told him Desire had hidden a spoonful particularly for my birthday. And then Tilis indecentremark: And look at the poor little duck, Desire.
But I held on, and soon foundmyself moving slowly toward the breakers.
The heathen, thirty yards away, stared at me with the same inhumandetachment as had the fish.
First we tried to sail back, but the sea wastoo choppy to make headway in a flat-bottomed boat. The look of the patuki-wala was enough to dement any man. The heathen, thirty yards away, stared at me with the same inhumandetachment as had the fish.
They didnt belong out there in the open sea, with no land in thebackground.
But he was in the same place, gnashinghis teeth, a vile glint in his eyes.
Having read your Contemplative Essays and being greatlyimpressed by them, Mr. William having left, I blew out the lamp, thensat close to my wife. He drank his beer with gusto, evenbravado; he gestured in a devil-may-care manner. I havesaid that with water goggles on one gets an illusion of gigantic size andvast distance.
Ichummed; then I lowered the bait to the fishs nose and lay face downward,watching. The fish might have eaten us both in retaliation.
Sometimes I wonder if Poaza is entirely human. But I held on, and soon foundmyself moving slowly toward the breakers.
EPILOGUEFor a long time I have been too gloomy to write.
The mainislet, seven miles away, seemed very distant and misty. It looked as though Deacon might die on my premises after all.

NASA artistic, by Mat Hatcher

If we didnt have names wed getterribly mixed up, wouldnt we? How could theyserve you food if all the dishes were dirty and cluttered up?
What an incredible combination of circumstances! Her eyes beamed gratefully, and she did not protest further. Well, they werent what you might call good, Heath complained.
Markham shot Vance a look of questioning amazement. And thank you so much for the lovely new dress,she added. But maybe he could have been a detective. Well, he was sent to prison for twenty years. This table, not farfrom the one at which the despondent Mr.
And Im sure one of themcontained citron, though it may have had some other name.
I turned my gaze again to the singers table. Im in no way surprised, was his response.
No, not a leader of men, but an unquestioningand able follower. Its damn queer, muttered Heath, ignoring the question.
And, incidentally, I also hope youll usethe same perfume when you wear your new dress. Have youa bedtime story of goblins with which to regale us?
Burns rose andfollowed her swiftly into the hall.
But maybe he could have been a detective.
A kitchen helper of some kind that workedthere. Sit down and help yourself from thedecanter. I thought it wassomething you put in cake.
Delpha may be a popular nomenclature with themystic sorority.

forked clear-headed, by Jonathan Blue

I begin to suspect, whenI am with you, that I am among the most gifted of men.
For my room isalways scattered with unfinished letters. Ifeel again the reflection in the window of the tunnel; it moves.
Yet I feel, too, the rhythm of the eating-house.
I also like fair-haired men with blue eyes. They are celebratingsome run with the beagles.
But I doubt; I tremble; I see the wild thorn tree shake itsshadow in the desert.
O come, I say to this one, rippling gold from head toheels. The usual faded ribbons sprinkle the wallpaper. Am I not indulging inunwarranted emotions? It is, however, true that I cannot deny a sense that life for meis now mysteriously prolonged.
Words crowd and cluster and push forth one on top ofanother. Ifeel again the reflection in the window of the tunnel; it moves. In a world which contains the present moment, said Neville, whydiscriminate? Men clutchtheir newspapers a little tighter, as our wind sweeps them,envisaging death. People are arriving; they do notspeak; they hasten in. I am arch, gay, languid, melancholy byturns. It is like a waltz tune, eddying in and out, round andround.
I feel a thousandcapacities spring up in me.
Are we not lovely sitting together here, I in my satin; he in blackand white? They fellwith the concussion of horses hooves on the turf.
The surface of my mind slips along like a pale-greystream, reflecting what passes.
But one cannot go on for ever cutting these ancientinscriptions clearer with a knife. Here was the boss of a chair; here the bulk of a cupboard.
And you wish to be a poet; and you wishto be a lover.
Heis gone; I stand here, holding his poem.
I was sent to school; I wassent to Switzerland to finish my education. The stiffness has gone from the day; it is shadedwith grey, green and umber.

I receive a few messages like these every day. They all come with images attached, and the images presumably carry the message the spammers wish me to here. However, I never see these images. Gmail's spam filter shuts them away, and only shows them to me if I ask to see them, though of course I never do. All I am left with is this strange stream-of-consciousness writing, this not-quite-poetry and not-quite-prose, all of which is in dire need of a good spell check, and none of which is advertisement.

Spammers, you've completely failed your arms race. Not only are you powerless to sell me anything, but you can't even annoy me anymore. You might as well give up. Please keep your letters coming, though. I do so enjoy them.

Humble to be an American

Mon, 10 Jul 2006 05:45:05 GMT

People like to say that they are "proud to be an American". Not everyone, of course, but plenty of people. Now, I hardly dispute the matter of enjoying being an American. America has been very good to me. I will not, however, say that I am "proud" to be American.

Pride is your sense of self-worth, your feeling of how good you are. What defines your worth and your inherent goodness? The things you do. Pride should imply accomplishment.

Some people are proud of themselves for achieving things. They're proud of their diplomas, their medals and their titles, and why not? It takes work to get such things. The time, money, and dedication required to earn a Ph.D are staggering. It says something good about you if you have one; it says you did a lot of work.

Some people are proud of the achievements of their students or children. They talk of the fame their protegés have gained, the titles they have acquired, the goals they have accomplished, and why not? Teaching is hard work, and parenting even more so. You pour a lot of effort into properly shaping your charges, and when they do great things, it's a validation of your hard work and a declaration of your ability, a pat on the back for all the work you did.

Then, we have people who are proud of being American. What did they do to be American?

If you're like me, you didn't have to do anything. I was born through the efforts of my parents and their doctors, and raised up on the time, money and effort of my parents and my community. I didn't put much work into all this; in many cases I was kicking and screaming against the efforts of my betters. Now, I'm an adult, endowed with all the benefits of American citizenship, having reaped the benefits of being raised in the American upper middle class. Did I earn all this? No! It was all done for me! Directly and indirectly, hundreds of people had a hand in getting me here, with my parents at the forefront of all of this. Imagine that; 19 years of other people's blood, sweat and tears, just to get me into society, and I'll never be able to pay them back for it. That doesn't make me proud. That makes me humble.

Yet, in spite of this, people go on saying that they're proud to be Americans. In effect, they say that being American makes them better people. They take credit for the work of other people. Look at the lyrics of God Bless the U.S.A.:

And I'm proud to be an American where at least I know I'm free.
And I won't forget the men who died, who gave that right to me.

Now, being thankful for the sacrifices of others is a very good thing. A lot of people have sacrificed their lives for America's sake, and the least we can do is say thanks. As a Latter-Day Saint as well as an American, I have an additional heritage of people sacrificing their lives for my benefit, and I am thankful for that. But look at those lyrics. Taking pride in the deaths of others? That's grave robbing!

The more I think about it, the more this business of nationalism feels like racism. For many people, being white is like being American - you're born into it. It doesn't say anything about you. What's to be proud of?

So, my fellow Americans: if you've gone to war and fought for our country, you have something to be proud of. If you've crossed hazardous terrain or escaped an oppressive dictatorship to get into this country, you have something to be proud of. If you've waited through five years of bureaucracy trying to earn citizenship, you have something to be proud of. If you, like me, were American by default, you have nothing to be proud of.

I'm glad to be an American. I'm thankful to be an American. I'm not proud.

This should have been posted on July 4th, for Independence Day. It is late because I am lazy. I'm not proud of this.

Live Trumps!

Sat, 01 Jul 2006 06:23:24 GMT

LIVE TRUMPS 1.1

watch lodo_bear fight

CREATE YOUR CARD

FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!

ETA: Well, shucks, the site is down, and apparently forever. I had only made it to level 3!

Selling out - because I care

Sun, 07 May 2006 04:45:52 GMT

I have just put a new feature onto my LiveJournal - advertising.

This isn't for the extra options or userpics. This isn't going to give me any money. This is because I am cheap, and because I am costing LJ money.

It's not free for them to maintain my posts in their memory and support my bandwidth. But they do it anyway, and it hasn't cost me anything. That's not quite right. Someone should pay them back. The thing is, it's not going to be me, because I'm cheap. So I've fobbed the bill onto someone else.

Besides, you all have Adblock by now, don't you?

I'll get you, Confucius!

Fri, 28 Apr 2006 06:37:16 GMT

For a long while now, I've had a signature in my e-mail that says "Life is simple. So simple, in fact, that we feel obligated to complicate it." It's something I came up with myself, because I needed something to put in my e-mail signature. You've got to have something to put in there.

Well, just a few minutes ago, I discovered this saying of Confucius's: "Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated."

Plagiarist.

Entropy 1, Tyranny 0

Fri, 17 Mar 2006 04:36:12 GMT

Ding dong, the witch is dead!
Which old witch? The wicked witch!
Ding dong, the wicked witch is dead!

I must say, I'm a little amused at the fuss of him dying just now. I understand the frustration of him seemingly escaping justice, and I know that it would have been a good thing if he had been convicted, since there are other tyrants in need of a trial, but on the other hand, he's finally toast! Let's face it, he was going to die anyway, and I say, for a tyrant like Milosevic, the sooner the better.

In this column, Paul Greenberg pointed out that a fellow named Hermann Goering also died just before facing justice, although in his case, he killed himself just before he was hanged. As I see it, that's really, really stupid. Isn't the point of execution depriving someone of life they might have otherwise enjoyed?

Entropy has done us all a favor and removed the presence of a fellow we didn't want. I suggest that we stop fretting over Milosevic's premature departure and get on with our lives before we too cross the bar.

Now you fools shall feel the wrath of CUTE!

Wed, 08 Mar 2006 05:08:55 GMT

People ~~say~~ write funny things on the Intarweb. One funny thing I've seen a lot is the phrase, "I lolled", generally found as a reply to something funny. It means that the poster laughed out loud at whatever it was they're replying to. But it doesn't sound like "I laughed". It sounds like "I farted". Now, in context, this generally serves to add to the humor of the situation, but it causes me to laugh at the other posters instead of with them.

Another funny thing I've seen a lot is *dead from cute* (sometimes spelled "ded"). It's not as funny as people saying "I farted", but it got me thinking. What if cuteness could kill? What if those sweet little baaaaaby animals you're ogling were actually hazardous to your health?

For one thing, it would put a dent in the pet business. Imagine: "Do you carry rabbits?" "Yes, ma'am, we just got some kits in today. Here, have a look." "Aww! They're so fuzzy!" *dead* "...ma'am? Ma'am?" Domesticated cats probably wouldn't be very popular either. People would raise Rottweiler-Chinese Crested crossbreeds to protect them from the deathly cute kitties. And people would club baby seals in self-defense.

But think of the potential havoc this could cause! I could rob banks with just a few cute pictures. I'd walk in all cool, go up to the counter, and pull out this. BAM! The clerk's brains melt instantly. The people behind me gasp in horror, the security guard rushes in, and then I wheel on them and show them the picture, killing them all. And the best part is? To protect my identity, all I have to do is show the picture to the security cameras. Then, when they're reviewing the tapes looking for my face, they'll see the picture and go "Awww..." *dead*, and I'll be scot free to strike again and again! AH-HAHAHAHA!

But my career as a supervillain would be cut short when my arch-nemesis, Blind Cynical Man, pulled a mirror on me. "Curses! Cut down by my own ultimate weapon! Oh, the - awwww, so cute!" *dead*

WHO FIGHT BEAR?

Wed, 01 Mar 2006 20:09:01 GMT

MAN FIGHT BEAR!

BOY FIGHT BEAR!

WOLF FIGHT BEAR!

WRESTLER FIGHT BEAR!

BABY FIGHT BEAR!

MECHA FIGHT BEAR!

LIZARD FIGHT BEAR!

SUPERVILLAIN FIGHT BEAR!

ICE FIGHT BEAR!

Inspired by this guy.

EDIT: It has just come to my attention that jokermage was not the origin of the "man fight bear" thing. The first known use is archived here, and it's about this John West commercial, which jokermage linked to. MAN FIGHT BEAR!

Tue, 28 Feb 2006 02:20:14 GMT

I am clearly far too fond of my own journal.

Total comments: 61

1	lodo_bear	26
2	alliwanted	5
3	gumbyavatar	5
4	miwasatoshi	5
5	daemonx	5
6	crow_the_robot	4
7	simulana	4
8	davetheinverted	2
9	njordsifusansoo	1
10	inagawayuu	1
11	esran	1
12	azn_blackmarket	1
13	ziabatsu	1

Generated using ljstats.

Abortion: My $0.02

Wed, 22 Feb 2006 10:43:19 GMT

This monday, the good students of ASU got an unexpected and unwelcome surprise: dead baby photos (more info here). This has prompted plenty of discussion (see here and here), especially in the arizonastate (see here and several posts after it). For the record: I don't like photos of blood and guts, and I'd really prefer to not to have such photos burned into my eyes from obstructive 18-foot banners. However, there is also the subject matter of the signs. They weren't supposed to be about gore (one would hope). They were supposed to be about abortion; they were using gore to convey the argument that abortion is wrong. I agree with the central message of the signs; I do not favor the legalization of abortion.

Among the complaints I've seen about these signs were this one, wherein it was said: "It's fine that they don't believe in abortions, that's great, but don't fucking push that on me. I'm not pro-abortion, I'm pro-choice." From a pro-lifer point, that's not much better. What upsets us is that abortion is allowed at all. Pro-lifers consider the fetus to be close enough to human that it makes no difference. (This is debatable, of course, especially at the embryo stage, but we'll discuss that later) From a pro-life perspective, saying "I'm not pro-abortion, I'm pro-choice" is like saying "Of course I'm not in favor of just slaughtering everyone, I just don't think murder should be legal". Being pro-death and pro-murder are very different, but both of them amount to innocent people dying. We pro-lifers consider the unborn to be people who are by nature innocent, so the thought of having the practice of killing them institutionalized and legalized strikes us as wrong.

Now, if I may address a few arguments I have heard in nearly every discussion of this kind...
1) It's the woman's body, and the mother-to-be should have the last word on everything related to her body.
This is the fundamental disagreement between pro-life and pro-choice, and one that will probably remain. The pro-choice side calls itself pro-choice because their emphasis is on the choice of the pregnant woman. The pro-lifers' emphasis is on the fetus. We say, "No, that's not your body. It's someone else's, and just because this person is inside you, living off you, doesn't give you the right to kill the child."
2) There's no point in outlawing abortion, since unwanted children will get dumped in a trash or left on the street or illegally aborted anyway. You're not solving the real issue.
It's a cold, hard world, isn't it? Lending weight to this argument is the fact that, even though abortion is legal, this sort of thing happens anyway, and it happens a lot more than we'd like to think. However, this is a different problems. A statement I consider similar is, "There's no point in fighting all the diseases in Africa. Get rid of yellow fever, ebola, malaria and AIDS, and with all the ethnic and political violence and food and water shortages, people are going to get killed in droves anyway." It's true, and it's painful, but it's wrong. Just because someone is probably going to die soon doesn't mean it's okay to kill them now. Baby-dumping is a problem, but the reason it's a problem is because babies are people and killing people is bad. Pro-lifers argue that the babies are people even before they are born, so killing them then is just as bad as killing them after.

And now, if I may, I'd like to address the subject of whether or not the fetus is, in fact, fully human. A week, or even a month, before it is born, it really is close enough to be human. I was born 6 weeks early, and while my body was fragile, my brain was just fine, and I've never had any mental development problems. On the other hand, right at conception and for several weeks after, the fetus is just a glop of cells, and it's silly to call it human if it doesn't even have nerve cells, let alone a brain at any stage of development. However, brainless though the embryo may be, it is going to become a full-fledged human being, and cutting it off once it's started seems irresponsible to me. I am pro-contraceptive measures; if you want to have sex but not children, that's okay, and you have a right to whatever pills and plastic devices are necessary to allow you to avoid pregnancy. Once pregnancy has started, there's a new human life in the equation, and your rights aren't the only ones in question here.

I'm a man, so I confess to a certain lack of perspective on the issue of pregnancy. I have frequently heard statements similar to: "You men don't have to carry the fetuses for nine months, so what gives you the right to talk about its well-being?" My reply to this is: that's a human life in there, ma'am, and despite the fact that it is causing you considerable discomfort, even pain and suffering, its right to life trumps your right to leisure.
Note that I put that in terms of leisure vs. life. If it's life vs. life - that is, if the mother's life can only be spared by an abortion, which is not unheard of - I say go through with it. Try to find a way to keep them both alive, but if there's no way, spare the mother.

One more thought about the subject of the signs: there must be a better way to convey the message. As far as I can tell, the signs just made everyone say "Ewww, blood" and crack a few more dead baby jokes than usual. I think this is a message worth conveying, and it disheartens me to see the message not just poorly conveyed but actually obscured by the medium.

Poem of the Day #2: Explaining Relativity to the Cat

Fri, 10 Feb 2006 22:33:11 GMT

Explaining Relativity to the Cat
by Jennifer Gresham

Imagine, if you will, three mice.
Contrary to what you have
heard, they are not blind
but are in a spaceship
traveling near the speed of light.
This makes them unavailable
for your supper, yes.

So these mice, traveling near
the speed of light, appear
quite fat, though there is
no cheese aboard. This is
simply a distortion of mass,
because the mass of a mouse
is nothing more than a bundle
of light, and vice versa. I see
how this might imply mice
are in the light fixtures,
undoubtedly a problem, so

let me try again.
If two people attempted
to feed you simultaneously,
no doubt a good situation,
but you were on a train
traveling near the speed
of light, the food would
appear unappetizing, falling
to the plate in slow motion,
an extended glob of protein
that never smelled good,
if you ask me, train or no.
The affinity of the food
for the plate, what we call
gravity, is really just
a stretch in the fabric
of a space-time continuum,
what happens when you
have sat in a seat too long,
perhaps on this very train.

Oh kitty, I know how you hate
to travel and the journey must
have made you tired. Come now,
lick your coat one more time
and let us make haste
from this strange city
of light and fantastic dream.

More of her work can be found at http://www.litmuspoetry.com/poetry.html

Poem of the Day #1: Richard Cory

Thu, 19 Jan 2006 17:03:23 GMT

Richard Cory
by Edwin Arlington Robinson

Whenever Richard Cory went down town,
We people on the pavement looked at him:
He was a gentleman from sole to crown,
Clean favored, and imperially slim.

And he was always quietly arrayed,
And he was always human when he talked;
But still he fluttered pulses when he said,
"Good-morning," and he glittered when he walked.

And he was rich, -- yes, richer than a king, --
And admirably schooled in every grace:
In fine, we thought that he was everything
To make us wish that we were in his place.

So on we worked, and waited for the light,
And went without the meat, and cursed the bread;
And Richard Cory, one calm summer night,
Went home and put a bullet through his head.

A minor post on LJ userpics

Wed, 14 Dec 2005 10:35:25 GMT

LJ userpics are like t-shirts. They are the badge you wear, expressing a small portion of the sort of person you are, or think yourself to be. They're usually meant to be funny in a snarky way, because, like t-shirts and bumper stickers, they're too small to say anything meaningful.

The first userpic I made for myself was this little guy:

I then took that image and negated it, getting this cool little picture:

Of course, like t-shirts, you may have your favorite userpic, but you have to have a few others to express your mood properly. I tried this pic for a while:

But it didn't really say anything, you know? Fun, but bland.

However, I now have a new userpic, courtesy of Hello Cthulhu:

One day, LJ is going to make me cough up the money for a special account, just so I can have my own gallery of absurdity. Until that day comes, I'll just have to work with River Tam, Lodo, and Cthulhu the littlest happy pirate.

You might want to reconsider your style, Mel

Sat, 10 Dec 2005 07:28:20 GMT

Recent photo of Mel Gibson:

Recent photo of Saddam Hussein:

How much are you paying your image consultants, Mr. Gibson?

EDIT: As usual, someone else saw it first, and pointed it out better than I could. Check out Born Twice at Ship of Fools.

A Wise Internet Once Said...

Sat, 10 Dec 2005 06:35:03 GMT

An artist is a five year old child with a magnet in one hand and a crayon-scribbled piece of paper in the other, looking for a refrigerator door. [Link]

Beware of false prophets. And beware of false devils. [Link]

Take a cue from Ender's Game, heroes. Fly FEET FIRST. [Link]

What bothers me is not that the kids are kept in prisons, but that (a) they aren't told about it, and (b) the prisons are run mostly by the inmates. Kids are sent off to spend six years memorizing meaningless facts in a world ruled by a caste of giants who run after an oblong brown ball, as if this were the most natural thing in the world. And if they balk at this surreal cocktail, they're called misfits. [Link]

I'm thinking it's a bad thing when real life becomes an escape from the stresses and difficulties of dealing with your hobbies. [Link]

Sucking for a while is the gateway to not sucking. [Link]

In the future, everyone will be Hitler for 15 minutes. [Link, and more information about the argument ad nazium here]

Ah, the Internet. Is there anything it doesn't know?

Pissing on the grave of Christopher Reeves

Thu, 08 Dec 2005 07:26:04 GMT

The ad below was recently spotted.

So wrong.

Day of the Ninja

Tue, 06 Dec 2005 02:09:42 GMT

I nearly missed it! Today is the Day of the Ninja!

Celebrate in stealth.

To the top of the porch! To the top of the wall!

Tue, 06 Dec 2005 00:42:17 GMT

It has been a goodly long time since I posted a report of my roof-seeking antics. This has been because I have not been able to get on any new roofs. However, I have finally done it again. I have walked on the roofs of McClintock Hall, West Hall and Dixie Gammage Hall.

It was easy getting on all three, because they're connected, as you can see on this relevant section of the map. It was tricky, because I'm not a good climber, so I usually have to find ways I can walk up to a roof. This time I got lucky.

I had tried West Hall and Dixie Gammage before, but to no avail. The key doors were always locked. McClintock Hall was initially out of the question - it's a dorm, so it's gated, and I don't have a key. Fortunately, I happened to be close to a door just as a student was walking out, and the student was even nice enough to hold the door for me as I slipped in.

After that, it was easy. I took an external staircase up to McClintock's third floor, where a fence was all that stood between me and my goal. I climbed over it, and wandered across the three buildings.

It was great. The feeling of freedom from walking on a floor with no walls or ceilings, the thrill of doing something forbidden and the everpresent possibility that someone will see you, all there. Good fun.

I really don't know where to go next. I hope I can get lucky like that again.

In space, no one can hear you say, "Who came up with that 'In space etc.' line anyway?"

Wed, 23 Nov 2005 03:35:59 GMT

The title of this post is a reference to a fun toy I have been wasting my time on: Orbiter, the free, open-source and all-around awesome spaceflight simulator. Ever intend to fly the Space Shuttle? Now, you can get some practice. It's very hard once you get outside the atmosphere, but that's the fun of it. What's also fun is to launch your ship into the upper atmosphere, then kill thrusters and watch the air burn around it as it descends (yes, I know it's not actual fire, just heat from sudden change in pressure).

The real fun arises from the fact that it's open source, which means anyone can look at the sourcecode and make new ships for it. Among the available addons:
- the Freefall, a Firefly. You, too, can be a leaf on the wind
- the LSS Photon, a ship capable of accelerating to relativistic speeds in seconds. Makes interplanetary tourism a snap
- the Wandering Star, a pirate ship. Yes, a wooden pirate ship. If you thought the Firefly was fun, fly the Wandering Star as fast as it will go, and behold the fury of the flying, burning pirate ship.
I'd go on, but I have other stuff to talk about.

One of these other things is the sad state of the world. This is just wrong.

I did some hanging out with miwasatoshi, an all-around cool guy, this afternoon. We stopped by Bubble Teaze at the Memorial Union, and I ordered a chocolate avocado smoothie.
That's right, chocolate and avocado, together at last.
The chocolate was good, but the avocado was not quite right. The texture was there, but the flavor was absent. I was disappointed.

Closing thought: in quantum physics today, a fellow classmate of mine gave a presentation regarding the debate over quantum phenomena in the brain. The debate centers around the idea that quantum uncertainty is responsible for our consciousness. It got me thinking: what happens when we can finally duplicate all the things human brains can do in a machine? Machine brains can already do many things better than human brains. By the time machine brains can do anything human brains can do, and do them just as good or better, the list of things they'll be able to do better will be long indeed. Then someone is going to build a superbrain, and it's going to look at us and think, "What am I going to do with all these people?" I, for one, am nervous about the possibilities.

A Meatloaf Post

Wed, 16 Nov 2005 05:43:56 GMT

This post is a meatloaf post because it consists of various small bits that are too small to merit their own posts, but are not consistent enough to form a coherent post altogether.

Entertainment news:
The writing of Neil Gaiman, the character creations of Jim Henson's Creature Shop, and the power of modern computer graphics have converged and created Mirrormask, a movie that can only be described using metaphors borrowed from drug culture. Go see it.

Science news:
Anti-pirate sonic weapons? Transparent aluminum? Cyborg cells? Military airships?
The future is now.

Art news:
T.H.E.M., a club I belong to, has recently done me the honor of selecting a picture I made for this year's club logo. A slightly modified version of that will appear on our t-shirts. Nothing expresses my feelings better than this Japan-style emoticon. ^-^

Other news:
Truth and Justice is good, clean, superhero fun. Try it out.

I should start a newsletter: Meatloaf News.

Lost and Found - an exercise in search engine archaeology

Thu, 10 Nov 2005 07:53:56 GMT

One handy feature of internet browsers is the ability to remember places you've been and call them up for your viewing pleasure. One aspect of this is remembering everything you've typed into the text bar on search engines (usually Google, but occasionally Wikipedia or a few others). Today, I took a look at all the things I've searched for.

In this list I found, in no particular order:

"you are a box"
"dead mental notes"
extelligent
conversion factors cup
open universe source
liberality tart
red river mange
zoing foglio
227 W. University
"monkey-faced bat" bouganville
"peter jones" impossible
Imperial death chicken librarian
"hunting the bull" tao
recieve
anjumar astro
"kepler murdered tycho"
abilash blash them
boob-slapping ferocity
semi-classical gas partition invalid
dolphin song site:www.ncf.edu
captain pollution
jupiter fusion
fonzy shaman
penguins steal sanity
gene kong
white asian banana
darkhawk shaper
lenin copernicus
bardo thodol
samurai loathing haiku
sailor spock
drummond bear
cicicccfut
kaijin
douc
"bat dance"
"celestia 1.4" download
operation clambake
star wars foldsfive
stupid monkey joke
vertical taskbar undo
orange dove

None of the above entries were edited or altered before being posted here.
I wonder, if you read the whole list straight through without pausing, would it give you the answers to any koans you're contemplating at the moment?
Say, this could be a new meme! List all of the wildest things you find in your search history! Tag, you're all it!

Up in the sky! It's a bird! It's a plane! It's a...oh, it's a Republican

Thu, 03 Nov 2005 02:01:41 GMT

Some of you may have heard about ACC Studios and its current brainchild, Liberality for All. For those of you who are not in the political comic book loop, click the link for more info.
As soon as you're finished with the reading, we can begin.

I know most of you are liberal, so I can guess what you're thinking. You probably object quite strongly to that studio's view of the world, and I do too. But that's a matter for another time. I have a beef with this comic in particular.

Aside all of its other virtues and vices, it is unoriginal. While the creators claim to be breaking ground and delving into new genres, they have not thrown off the biggest comic-book crutch of all: superheroes.

Do I hate superheroes? No. I watched Spider-man and Spider-man 2, and I look forward to Spider-man 3. I've read and enjoyed Astro City, and I own a copy of Watchmen. I have a few ideas for superheroes in my own head that I may someday put to paper. But for all their virtues, superheroes are wearing thin. They've been done and overdone for the past 70 years. We need people who are willing to tell a story without resorting to accessorized protagonists, and Liberality for All disappoints.

Sean Hannity as a comic book hero? I can buy that. I don't like that guy, but these guys do, so why not?
Sean Hannity as an underground radio-broadcasting resistance leader? I say, cool! Just like Charles de Gaulle!
Sean Hannity as a eyepatch-sporting robot-armed mook-mashing superhero? Give me a break.

The comic would have worked just fine without superpowers. Who knows, maybe it would be better. Alas, it cannot be. Mike Mackey and his associates have taken the road more traveled, and what could have been a truly ground-breaking comic will probably be just another comic - albeit a very vocal comic. And besides, being vocally conservative isn't new to comics. Haven't these people ever heard of Superman? Over in Marvel comics, we have Spider-man pissing off the liberal media with his crime-deterring antics. And having a comic starring real people certainly isn't new. So what does Liberality for All have to offer? Certainly not what all the hype says.

Shame on you, Mackey, shame on you. You made the baby Scott McCloud cry.

Not the closest, you fool!

Sat, 29 Oct 2005 05:07:00 GMT

I just watched "The Grudge". It was a horror movie, and I laughed. Everyone walked really, really slowly, everyone simply shut down whenever they were confronted with anything scary, the evil villain thing appeared to be omnipotent, cheap scares were abundant, the storyline didn't flow naturally, and all in all it was a good time.

"Oh noes! Not the closet of death! Now the inspector is going to get whacked!"

If any of you make a horror movie, please make one that makes sense.

Here in a Flash and gone without a trace

Sat, 22 Oct 2005 23:26:06 GMT

There are some things on the web that are annoying, trite, or simply evil. Then there are things which are funny. One of these things is this little look at what your desktop does when you're not looking (linked from this forum).